Friday, August 29, 2008

T.G.I.F

It's Friday again!
Yipeeee!
Needless to say, this is my favourite-est day of the week, as.... tmr is Saturday!
Even though, the days, weekdays or weekend no longer seem to be any different for me (I werk on weekends too... apa nk buat.... nk hidup...) and I no longer hang out on a Fri night, Sat or Sun, I still do look forward to it. It's not like I hate work (Ok sometimes I do!), bt I really don't like work. Maybe if I am doing something I love its a totally different thing. Or not. Cause I might just be a brat yg perasaan Tai-Tai. Feeling-feeling kaya tak payah kerje kecuali shopping jer! (Shopping shld be categorise as a job as it requires lot of hard work too!)

Bt since next week is the hols, albeit a short one, I am feeling excited! I always like the hols as there is lesser interruptions and that is the period that I can almost fully focus on doing things needed to be done and clear all my work. Ok, not ALL my work. Today we are celebrating Teachers' Day and tonight will be my second Teachers' Day Dinner. I will try to upload pics here. Bt it'll definitely be up on my Facebook and since I am so active in Multiply now, most probably in Multiply too. Friendster susah kit ah, malas nk buat keje-keje resize mesize nie....

Ryan is going home this Sunday - the one thing that I am NOT looking forward to. How do I re-change my lifestyle that I've become accustomed to - though it has only been less than a week? I know I said the same thing earlier on when I had to go back to work, bt at least I do get to see, hug, cuddle, sing to, irritate and clean his ass. I think I will actually miss cleaning his shit. Shit! Such a lil bugger and yet such a huge impact on all of our lives. According to Along, they will come and most probably stay over during the weekends bt I am not putting too much hope on that. B.Batok is quite a distance away from Tamps aft all. Though they have a car now, I dunno if they will be mobile. Haiz... the harsh truth of growing up. Thinking about missing Ryan's ngada-ngada cries is already making ME CRY!

But let's look on the bright side - I get my room back. I miss my room!!!! Now that I just bought a new fan (in a bid to do my part to save GAIA, I decided to get a brand new fan so I won't use the air-con), I feel more eager to spend some time in my room after a hard day's work. I can start reading again! And oogle the Victoria's Secret catalogue and circling my orders. I can do my calculations on my bed again till late at night! But most important of all, I get to sleep on my bed!I have not been sleeping well (except for the past 2 nights as I swopped sleeping position with Mum), as I tak kerasan langsung kat katil Ibu! According to Mum, it's true, the side a bit keras. No wonder I can't get to sleep and mimpi sumer merepek meraban (something which I dah lama sangat tk experience) and till I got my heart-attack tingy.

I think it's highly related you know. I got that symptons right after that night where I dreamt of zombies. After I took the meds and tried to go to sleep, when I ter-accidentally thought about the dream, my heart went crazy! That was when I realised that it might just be due to that. Oh ya, like a true connected manager - Vernon was posting about his recent attack too in his blog and he said that it is now categorised as panic attack. While reading, I thought I had the same experience and then realised I had a panic attack! Of course! Why am I so dumb? I had panic attacks before bt why didn't I realise it this time? I think I was being too busy focusing on whether it is a heart attack and if it was due to my steroid dosage. And then it makes even more sense that the attack is most probably due to that stupid dream.

I told my mum about this last night and she was like "alah... takkan pasal mimpi zombie sikit jer trus kena panic attack..." I bet she imagined me dreaming Awie in Zombie Kampung Pisang going "Otak....Otak..." That, I would love to dream. In fact, I'll join him. Bt no, that's not what it was at all. It's not so scary as in horror-scary. It's just that the situation is just so bad. And the dream was so real. The feelings I felt in the dream was draining every bit of me. Its the shocked of seeing people around you die one by one, its the fear of not knowing who to trust, where to go, where is safe, what is the next step, and its the fear of not being able to protect your loved ones and at the same time fear your loved ones. Its a chaos!

Bt thank god it's only a dream and I do want it to stay as a dream!

On a very lighter side, I just received an sms saying that he's coming to Singapore tmr and he wanna meet me at Novena. Exciting!! Can't wait for tmr! Bt I told him I got course tmr from 12-5 and he said he will call me to confirm the time.

Tmr will be another hectic day. I hope it'll be an exciting one though! Tmr, is the start of Change.

InsyaAllah....

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 1:39 PM

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Not Ready To Make Nice

To Forgive is Divine.

But I've decided to be Human for once.

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 11:18 AM

Pics Uploaded!

Ok, pics of my latest darling is up on Facebook and Multiply. I will take some time to upload it in Friendster (if I ever will), so pls just do check it out on Facebook and Multiply.

Alternatively, you can go to Deddy Dores or Mama Prata blog to look at the pics. Deddy Dores uploaded most of the pics in his Picasa though, so check it out there better lah!

Needless to say, I miss lil R so much. Esp last night when I didn't get to cuddle him for long. Haiz... I'm gonna be depressed once Sun comes....

Enjoy the pics and do leave comments on how cute lil R is!

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 11:10 AM

Monday, August 25, 2008

The Day My Heart Got Attacked

By now, those of you who personally know me or have been reading my blog. would know that I was on long MC. (Yippeeee!!! Really! Timing is just great coz I got to spend day in day out with lil Ryan!)

Back to the point. My last MC was to end on Friday 22 August 2008. And I have been taking my medications regularly. (Ok I missed one, bt ONE only okay!) Oh ya! To update, apart from all my normal medications, my dearest Lungs needed Steretide, Antibiotics and Steroids. Yup, you saw it right, STEROIDS! I'm back to taking Steroids! F********. But for the bettter health and a long life, steroids it shall be. Lemme see, I gain 30kg the last time I took Steroids back in 2000 and if I calculate right.... WTF!!!!!!!!!! Bt... apa-apalah utk better health. And oh ya, I am soooo banned from any sort of exercise for now. Hahahahahahha! Tgklah tahap kedegilan aku pas raya nanti k.

So like any normal Saturday, I was suppose to have tuition for 2 of my kids. One of them postponed very last min and so I decided to eat my brunch - Daddy bought this sambal-less nasi lemak (Makcik lupa letak sambal! So i ate only half of it) Before I ate the nasi lemak, I already took my medi at ard 10am. After eating at ard 1115am I had this rapid palpitations. The kind that says my heart is beating at 180/min. Yup! That fast! I was breaking into cold sweats and kept thinking what is happening to me. I started to feel faint and felt damn weak. Nadia came ard 1140am and I asked her - she being a nurse and since my mum was out marketing. Nadia didn't know what was happening either and I asked is it due to my steroids dosage and she said "I dunno Kak Ikin....."

Mum came back around almost noon and I told her and she checked my pulse and this time it went down to almost 100/min and I said that's fast! She said it is and asked me "Are you having heart attack?" I said no! Ard 12.20 my student came and I continued with my tuition. Mak Long and Tiot came over a while later and after tuition, ard 3pm I quickly carried Ryan coz I was so missing him badly. Since I left arm was aching (sengal-sengal) I held him in my right. Soon after Mak Long, Tiot and Oman left and is replaced by my sister's colleagues and friends. By this time, I was already rubbing my left arm coz I could feel the aching intensify. My mum saw me and asked what's wrong and I told her. She said "You are having symtons of heart attack!" I already knew that of coz, bt decided to be in denial. "Come, Ibu bawak g A&E"

Me, being the degil me, said, "Hah......? Tak payahlah......" And she being the SSN, "Jgn suka main-main ley tak, pegi check je" Coz I told her maybe it's not a heart attack and what if the doctors don't believe me and think that I am just playing a fool ( I always have this thinking that I am not sick enough to visit the doctor and that if I do, the docs will just get super irritated with me and think in their head that I just want MC. Talk about paranoia!)

After much persuasion, I said ok and went to get ready. We only left at almost 4pm as Mum was feeding Ryan - that bugger do not wanna wait for his milk. Mum checked my pulse again in the cab ride and it went down to around 80/min - which was good.

When we reached and registered and waited, I thought, great! If I had heart attack, I would have died waiting! And I guess that thought automatically pushed my normally absoulutely perfect BP (this has been testified by all my doctors and even my Mum who always say "You have a perfect BP and sugar rate!) to almost the high range - no wonder I cn get heart attacks, panas baran tak hilang-hilang.

Met the doctor and she asked all sorts of questions that made me even more giddy and followed up by the ECG. I have never done an ECG before so it kinda terrified me a bit. There was all sort of wires attached to me and so I had to ask the nurse an inevitable question.

Me: Is it going to be painful?

Nurse: No. It's painless.

Me: Ok Good! How long will this take?

Nurse: About a min. Or less. Ok don't move, we are starting now.

And guess what it took a whole of 10 second only lah! Buat suspense jer! So went to the doc again and the doc said, take MMT then go chest x-ray. Nurse gave me this MMT and said "Doc prescribed quite a lot for you - 60ml so you have to finish up 2 cups k" I went "Okay......" and gulped the 2 cups down fast to minimize the taste. Went to the x-ray session then waited for the results then went back to the doc who said " ECG normal, lungs have nothing grossly abnormal (and my mum said what is that suppose to mean?) n she said well... normal lah. so it should not be a heart attack."

Phew! I really didn't wanna get hospitalised. Not again! So I was happy enough to hear that it could be a heartburn instead which generally always feels like a heart attack coz have the same symptoms and it might just be related to my URTI and due to my medications. Doc said my meds are pretty strong and no, I do not need to lower my dosage. She gave me a referral letter to my GP for my next review, which I promised myself to go this time - something which I always promise myself to do and never do it simply because..er dah sihat buat per g tgk doctor kan... buang duit jer! And doc Choong is always complaining about how my entire family refuses to go for any review! Hhahahahah! I think I'll surprise him. Anyway, I have to take his meds for 9mths, so might as well.

In a lighter note, I am missing Ryan Iskandar now. I keep lullabying myself his song. You know the song that his Ibu created for him. The one song that he loves to hear and will shut up. That is besides the "You are my Sunshine" song. That kid is in love with his name I'm telling you. Shuts up the moment he hears his name is being called. Oh God! I wish I can take no-pay leave for you Ryan. Never mind, I'll cuddle you tonight k!

About the photos, I will soon upload it. Soon!

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 1:27 PM

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Arrival of Baby Ryan Iskandar

Finally he's here!!!
Who's he?

Ryan Iskandar!!!!

Born on the 16th of August 2008, 2206 hrs and weighing a whole 3.83kg! Woah!
Bt alhamdulillah, both mummy and baby is healthy.

My sis had to go through around 14hrs of labour (counted from the time her waterbag burst) and alhamdulillah her delivery was a normal delivery. Needless to say, all of us was excited! Personally, I wanted to see him badly as I wanted to know if he looked anything like I imagined. Turns out, NO, bt fret not coz he turned out to be sooooo sooooo sooooo much cuter!

August 16 proves to be one of the most hectic days in my life - I woke up early just to go to the office to finish up some unfinished work as I was very very very sick and I didn't think I could make it to work on Monday. I then had to rush back as I had tuition at 10.30am. Luckily one of the kids cancelled last min! After tuition, at 1pm, I rushed to get ready to meet Nadia to accompany me meet "Pak Ngah". After that, in the evening, we went to Perkampungan as it was KTT's closing event. Nadia left after a few mins, so I was there all alone.

Bt all throughout the day, I was with my handphone , juz waiting for th good news and keeping track of my sister's contractions. At 8.30pm, he texted me saying its anytime soon, within an hour. So I was super excited! Mum then texted me at 10.46pm to tell me that everything went smoothly and that it's a boy! I said "D-UH!" Coz we knew that since months back.

The moment when I stepped into my house, I was shocked to see the transformation! Langsir sumer bertukar! Kusyen sofa, everything, n both my parents and the maid tengah gagah bekerja! Mcm nak sambut raya! Tapi sebenarnya nak sambut Ryan! The next day, we woke up early to further transform the house, bt deep down all of us cldn't wait to go to the hosp! We finally left at 12noon!

God, words simply can't describe the feeling when I first saw him. When we all saw him! He's so cute!!! And my dad was so happy to see that Ryan had his ears! He was the first to kiss him! Of coz, after that we all took our turns and it was snap snap time!

Lots of people said that Ryan looked more like my sis then my bro-in-law and that Ryan actually looks so much like my father! (I agree!) Along and Cik Niah said that he has my dagu (my botox dagu!) and Cik Niah even said he looks like me! (Of coz lah! I'm that cute!)

We stayed all the way till 6.30pm before we make our move. Imagine! Ayah staying patiently that long in the hosp! Hanya utk cucu okay!

The next day I went to the doctor for treatment and got a whooping 3days MC! YAHOOOO!!! So I went to fetch Ryan and my sis home and officially starts my duty as the confinement nanny! Sekarang budak kecik ni dh kenal bau ku!

Ryan is such a manja boy - according to my parents its no surprise as his mum is damn manja as well! What surprises me most is the change in my sister. As many would know, my sister has an 8-mins disease - she could only hold any baby for 8mins, the longest. And she was always worried that she would not be able to hold her baby long enough after the delivery. I told her, of coz not, that's your child, of coz it will be different.

And how true it is! In fact, she has superceeded my expectations. She has been very patient and wants to hold Ryan all the time and she keeps dodoi-ing Ryan in all her self-made songs! Of coz she speaks to him with the typical baby language that irritates me! Ok, ok! I'm guilty of that as well!

Today, I got another 2 days mc as I have not gotten any better. Bt thinking that next week I will start work and not spend my day with Ryan is already making me so sad. I feel like taking no-pay leave!

Oh Ryan, Mak Ngah will so miss you! Mak Ngah already misses you like mad when I went out a while to buy stuffs for you and couldn't sleep coz I keep seeing your cute lil face! Come Ramadhan, Mak Ngah will miss you even more since you are in Bukit Batok.

I love you so much Ryan Iskandar!

*in case anyone is wondering where are the pics, I am currently at my bro-in-law's house so the pics not with me. I will upload it soon, if not here, at Facebook k.

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 5:59 PM

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

My Good Place.

Yesterday afternoon, I discovered something. Something that I might have known for a few weeks. Bt only yesterday, I was aware of it.

I saw something online relating to an ex-him that could have jolly well killed me, if I was the old me. Bt yesterday, yesterday was different. I didn't feel a thing. Not like numbness coz you are too hurt. Bt I just didn't feel a thing. Ok, maybe a slight itty bitty tiny weeny thing. Bt the emotions I felt was surprise - at my own reactions! I can't believe I didn't feel like dying. I just shrugged it off as though it meant nothing to me. And then I realise it, it doesn't mean much to me anymore. I'm over it. Well over it! Tadaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

And to make it all better, I receive a positive sms early in the morning today! From that one man I've been waiting to hear from! He brings us gooooood news! Well, er... not really confirm gd news, bt... kinda gd news as that's better than no news right?!

That's when I said to myself, that no wonder I don't feel much about yesterday, as I realise that even though he is not with me, I am at a good place. A better place than ever I could have been. Because my road is now clear, I know where I want to go and I am looking forward to it.

I am at a good place. Alhamdulillah...

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 2:05 PM

Sunday, August 10, 2008

P.S. I Love You

I may have not said it enough and I may jolly well look like I don't even care for you,
bt the truth is, deep down, you've always been the one that means a lot to me.
You are the reason why I didn't pack up and leave for Dubai 5 yrs back. You always seem to keep me rooted. I can never bear to be away from you that long - and that's why I always come back and turn to you, no matter how many times I went away. And whenever I am away from you, I can't seem to stop thinking of you, mentioning your name and comparing you.

You always make me feel safe. You always have your own silly ways to make sure I'll aways care and be there, though I admit sometimes you can irritate me.

But overall, I just wanna you to know that I Love You and here's wishing you a very Happy 43rd Birthday!

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 12:20 AM

Friday, August 08, 2008

Happily Ever After...?

I am no fan of happily ever after. Not because that I'm jealous as I don't think I will get to that stage, bt more to I know there is no such thing as happily ever after. We may get deluded from time to time from watching movies, hearing songs that promises that there is such a thing that is called true love that could lead to happily ever after. I admit, I am no big fan of love either. Not that kinda of love. Not the kind that everyone professes too often bt do not mean it most of the time. Not the kind shared by two individuals, who are strangers at first, met on a cross-road and decides that they are in love and they then proceed on to happily ever after.

L.O.V.E is a four-letter word that is all over-rated and under-rated at the same time.

Have you ever wondered and question yourself why you put your 'other half' so high up on that pedestal? Why you would do anything, just anything, to make sure that he/she is always there and loves you forever? Why you could go against the world just to be with him/her, no matter the consequences? Why you would strip yourself off from your very basic principles, to your beliefs and values, to your pride and moral and your reputation or your family's reputation just for this 'other half'? Why you could easily turn your back away from the people who had been there for you from the day that you were born and was there for you during all those tears and laughters, no matter how stupid or serious the matter was? How could you leave your friends when you vowed to be friends forever? How you could ever forget that there was life before your 'other half'? Have you wondered this before? Ever?

I have. I constantly do. Not for myself, bt for the people around me. I often wonder why people change sooooo much at the mere existence of 1 stranger. Of coz, there's exceptions. I know a few people who do not change their life just merely because of their other half, bt that's abt it, just a handful.

Hey, I've been in relationships before, bt I am never like that. So why must the rest be like that? It's all over-rated lah, seriously.

If you can put so much love into this stranger, why can't you do the same for your flesh and blood? Your family, your siblings, your PARENTS? And what about your so-called BFFs? Yes, they will always be there for you at the end of it, bt does that mean they are to be taken for granted? I don't see these people putting their family or friends up so high on the priority list. Even if they are, they are flexible on the list - the kind that you can cancel anytime you want it, the kind that you put on the list just for show bt really, really, your other half is the only one on the list. I don't see these bunch doing anything, just anything and everything to please their family or friends. God, most of the time, they ignore, and anger their parents - and these are the very 2 people you should be soooooo in love with. I don't even hear the word L.O.V.E being uttered frequently to family members. To your parents. Hah! I see cases where they don't even salam the parents and yet, AND YET, they salam their BFs. WTF? What the heck is that? And guys, carrying small ladies handbags like their GFs have no arms and yet, AND YET, how many of them actually help to carry their parents', their MUMs' handbags, or groceries or marketings? Do you ever wondered that?

It's funny. It's illogical-bt yet, it is happening.

I know a friend who was rushing to get married a few years back. At that time, I just got to know her. One day, I asked how long have she been with the bf. She said a year plus. I got perplexed - only a year plus and you are rushing to get married? I mean, she was only 21 at that time. So I ask, "don't you think you are rushing things? I mean, after all, you know him for only over a year and you are still very very young. So why the rush? Are you even ready?" And he was like her first bf! (Ok, at this point many will go.... awwww.... so sweet.... err... haiz... no commentlah....) And so they got married (I can't remember if they got married that year or the following year), with strong beliefs that they have met THE ONE and is on the road to happily ever after.

Bt happily ever after lasts a week. Yup, you saw that right. A WEEK. After that the harsh reality of a married life started to slap on her face. Literally. She got her divorce cert a few months later. Bt at that point, she was getting to know another guy. I told her that to take things slow. Its too fast. You just got out of a relationship - a marriage! She said yeah I will, but I don't wanna be old when I get married (dat time she was 22/23 i think). So she say, she will give another 3 years before she gets hitched again to this new guy. I kept my mouth shut. There's no way you can change the mind of someone who's in 'LOVE'.

So what's the point of this blog entry again? I just got her sms last night after almost a year of not hearing from her. Her sms was a brief one - she said she broke up with him a couple of days back as she found out the guy was cheating her for four mths. Needless to say, she was devastated. She can't believe her luck.

And I didn't know what to say to her. I mean I did, bt what I was going to tell her will hurt her even more. She didn't need to hear - 'I told you' so as words of encouragement during a difficult time.

She was always rushing into things - rushing into a marriage, rushing out of the marriage, rushing into a relationship right after getting out of a marriage, rushing to get married again. And from the start of the breakdown of her marriage, I thought, if only she had persevered a bit more, just a bit more and reacted more maturely in the situation, things wouldn't go downwards. Her marriage could actually be saved. I don't know how she viewed her life - bt I do know how I view my life and what I want out of it.

Marriage is a big step. A huge step even. A bigger than huge step. The concept is simple, really. If you think that you can't manage your own set of family and friends and colleagues with all their different opinions, antics, principles, ideas etc, when you get married, it's times 2. TIMES TWO! It's simple Maths. You don't minus it out because you get married, you gained another set! Knowing that, you have to be more patient, more understanding, more forgiving and ready to compromise. If you can't do that, don't get married. Getting married to a person doesn't mean you get married to the person exclusively. It means you get married to his/her work, family, friends, habits, enemies, past, present, future, strengths, weaknesses, flaws, everything. EVERYTHING! If you are not ready for that, don't get married.

I am not saying that one should not get married. I do believe that marriage can be beautiful - if you make it beautiful. And it's not gonna be an easy task to make it beautiful. Knowing all this, do you still wanna rush into it?

I sometimes think to myself, which is better? To be able to get a replacement for a broken heart in a snap or to let it heal slowly. I know I've been healing slowly. Too slow. Bt is this better than rushing? I guess I'll never know which is better. Bt I know what I want. And what I don't want in my life.

And right know I choose to heal. I choose to take my time. I choose to rather be lonely than stupid. For I know that happily ever after exist only in fairy tales and I am not a princess. I am not just a character that people read and make into movies. I am real. A person with a heart that can be easily broken. A person with a soul and spirit that can easily feel defeated. A person with determination and strength to overcome what come may, to live in this world. A person who wants to be happy bt do not want to risk her faith in finding happiness. A person that's me.

And this me is not finding her happily ever after moment - she is finding happiness only.

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 10:54 AM

Thursday, August 07, 2008

In celebration of N-Day.

I can't believe I'm blogging again. I'm like doing this daily. I've never blog this religiously. Ever.

Anywho, I'm at work, trying to do some work, when I heard the kids singing the N-Day songs in preparation for the celebration tommorrow. And this got me thinking. Reminiscing actually.

I suddenly remembered what it felt like during the Lower Pri Sports Day (held together in celebration with N-Day) when I was in Primary School. Just for the record, that is not a very long time ago, as I am only 17 this year! (People, don't you dare puke!) Ok, fine, a long time ago then. God! Am I that old? Anyways, I remembered that I didn't really participated in Lower Pri Sports, well, maybe once in P1 but other than that, I was always involved with the performance for the upper pri. I was a dancer you see. I started officially when I was 5yrs old. Bt I think I might have started off wayyy earlier - during the times when I watched the Hindi movies and try to impersonate them! (Long, remember Shahenshah????)

Ok, to the point: I remember that I was standing bored under the tent waiting for my classmate to start the relay so that I can start screaming for them. (I really can't remember if I participated in anylah!) I remember suddenly hearing the loud songs blaring through that loudspeaker and looking up at it. (I was right underneath u see...) I can remember that the starting of the song itself made my hair stood, just the same way like our National Anthem did to me. I remember smiling and then started to sing along! I remembered that the N-Day songs (then) were my favourite songs! I love the songs!!!

Which got me thinking again. Why are the more current N-Day songs..er don't sound as good? It lacks the spirit! I still feel like standing up for Singapore everytime I hear the song, bt whenever I hear the more current songs, I tend to find myself drifting away singing. Yup, the songs are nice and written well, bt no, it still lacks the spririt, the patriotism in Singaporeans. (Ok, now I understand why! Singaporeans are not patriotic enoughlah!) Something is clearly lacking in the songs bt I can't put a finger on what exactly. The latest nice song I heard was from Stephanie Sun (i think!) The "This is home truly...." song. That is nice. That is beautifully written.

I really hope to hear more nicer songs. Evergreen songs. Like those written then. Then maybe, once a year, Singaporeans will feel the love for Singapore. Come on, I know that deep down you do.

I know I do.

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 10:58 AM

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Free Seminar!

Dalam kesibukan bersemangat baru, lupa lak nk ckp something...

Nini and myself will be going down to a seminar later! Pretty excited about it! Not like my first seminar, bt this time it's different. This one gonna lead to to a path that can change a lot of things, change my future! Woohoo! Just thinking abt change itself is getting me all psyched up!

Hopefully this seminar ain't the boring kind. If not I'd probably sleep to my future.

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 11:03 AM

Semangat Baru di Hari Rabu

Ok, I called him yesterday, bt he was too busy to talk properly. I don't even think he was paying attention to anything I said or asked anyway. Didn't get much out of him either. Didn't even got the chance to finish questioning him! So much for my long list of questions.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. Of course I am! I texted Nini and told her all about it and she was very encouraging. I'm just worried that things won't settle down in time. I was all ready to give up (oklah, not really actually, bt I do need to whine ok, and pretend that I am all defeated) and even told myself that things will never go smoothly. So let's forget it before too much is being invested in this.

But that was until a few minutes back. I know that I have to proceed with it, for the good of my future, for whatever it's worth. I know I have to make sure things go smoothly and I have to smoothen out any creases. I know I have the support from Nini and Khairul and maybe Vina, and maybe even Afni. Plus my family. I have to do this as I am left with almost no choice. It's a do or die. Well, the other alternative is of course go for overseas posting, bt let's still be optimistic and keep that to the last resort.

I want this so bad. So I have to make it happen.

And it will happen. InsyaAllah...

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 10:45 AM

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Anxiously Waiting...

Good news is always Great news!
Well, bad news always sucks.
Bt at least that's soooooo much better than NO NEWS!
I'd rather get a bad news than no news at all! Ok, maybe not. I don't wanna say, just in case I jinx this one up.

I know that things were going on too smoothly. Too good to be true. And like I once said, if it's too good, chances are it ain't true babes! Padan muka aku! But is it time for me to give up already? Or should I persevere?

Please, please call me. Leave me an sms. Email me. Send the messenger bird. Whatever. As long as get some kind of news. Even if the news is "I got your your sms." Ok, that kind of news will be like "WTF?" But, I cannot be greedy kan...? Or should I? Should I demand some answers? Bt that's rude. I mean, he has been very accomodating so far...

Bt I HATE waiting!!! I did decide to let it go on for 1 more day. And if by tmr, I do not receive any news from him, I'm gonna give him a call. Or maybe his wife a call. Since he could be busy. Bt his wife could be busy too. And it will be weird if I suddenly give her a call - she might not know much. Hm... Maybe I give him a call. I mean I have to call! Time is running out! And if it needs be, I got to rush down to KL to settle everything fast.

So I guess I just have to settle for waiting some more. Anxiously waiting, crossing my fingers. Praying hard and hoping he won't change his mind.

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 9:46 AM

Monday, August 04, 2008

Blog Multiplying

Our very dear missus here, (red-moi), is damn gundu-istic, that she did something around the stupidity borderline.

I had a multiply account for God knows how long. I've never touch it though. God, I can't even find time to touch Friendster and me being a very well-like person have lotsa friends adding me up in all sorts of applications. After trying to reject lotsa them, I decided to just join the crowd and ended up with all sorts of applications. You name it, I got it! BUT... too many means I don't even know what they are, how they work and most of the time, can't even remember what's my ID and password.

And this is the same with Multiply. I have not touch it for a longgggg time, except for the once in awhile when I realise I got lots of invitation to accept. Of course I tried to work out how this thing works but I guess I just couldn't be bothered enough. I found Facebook of course and needless to say immediately fell in love with it! But that's besides the point. The point I'm writing this is... ermmm... apart from increasing my blog entries coz someone keep complaining about my non-updated blog (red-Yani!), is... er... oh ya... the Multiply blog! I'll get to that point soon!

Everytime I get emails from Multiply I automatically delete them. Everytime. Until one fine day, when I received an email, stating that Haney Hadad wants to sell some of her bags. That got me, hands down. I was in the crazy-for-bags mood. From then onwards, I just couldn't get enough of this online shopping thing. Just for the record, before this, I was only crazy for Victoria's Secret shopping. I buy stuffs like every single month for I dunno what! And... I'm still doing it! ;p So Multiply now is my additional shopping paradise for each month. God, I act like a billionaire. I swear normal shopping do NOT stir my interest at all. Accept when I receive emails from FFF for the Dorothy Perkins & Friends sale. That and of coz my M.A.C. emails and then I will get sooooo excited I keep thinking about it for days until I finally get to the store and empty my almost empty pockets. Gosh! No wonder people think I am high maintenance. What to do. Like I said to the VS staff, I'm a sucker for all things beautiful. ;p

Ok, back to the point. So I saw this blog thingy on Multiply, and then realise that they have this import thingy from like blogger.com. So I imported my entries over and felt happy that now my Multiply blog actually have entries. Oklah, I know its a bit not fair, bt who cares!

Here comes the stupidity part: When I recently updated my blog at blogger.com. I got surprised when my Multiply inbox showed it as updates. I was like... 'how did this happen?'. I didn't know that they were going to be importing every single entry I post on my blogger.com. I thought I have to do it manually! And now, I don't know how to re-do it!

Wait a min! This is going to be published on Multiply too huh? Oh... Great...!

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 2:37 PM

Friday, August 01, 2008

Welcoming August!

1st of August 2008.

How time flies. I can still remember thinking abt whether or not should I celebrate the new year, 2008. Now, we are entering the 8th month of the 2008. Almost 2/3 of the year gone. Heck! I can still remember rooting for 'Asyurah's 07.07.07, and that was like more than a year ago! Really, how time flies!

This month, this time, in 2008 will be an interesting period. As many will know, I am welcoming my first ever nephew! Ryan Iskandar Shahreil! Can't wait for that naughty lil baby boy to come out and irritate me! Yeah, u heard it right! Irritate and annoy me! Well, that's just because, I wanna irritate him back! And since like he's anak bapak (always kicking me everytime I'm gossiping and kutuk-ing his buncit father!), this is soooooo gonna be fun!

Another interesting thing is that, InsyaAllah, this monthy will be the month that we will start to process all the paperwork that needs to be cleared. So that we can execute the soft launch by nexth month. InsyaAllah... I get jittery everytime I think about it.

Another thing is that, hopefully, I can re-start my exercise regime after my 2mths plus break due to my op. I am getting fatter by the seond and absolutely hates it. I am afraid though that it's gonna take a toll on trying to be that health freak again. I sometimes wonder if I can actually do my jogging 5times aweek like I used to in the 2 months before my op. And now, I can re-start my detox diet again! Yeay!!!! Not like I miss eating plain steamed tofu and salad everyday, bt if I can detox, it makes me feel gooooooood!

Next month will be September! Hmm.... What great event will be on September? Lemme see... My BIRTHDAY!!!!!